Orgasms have always come easily for Shirley Jones, and if that's too much information for you, you might not enjoy "Shirley Jones," her new memoir, in which the actress writes frankly about both her successful acting career and her sizzling sex life.
But for the reader eager to learn what happens during a celebrity threesome, what the parties were like chez Sammy Davis Junior (porn on every screen and lines of coke on every coffee table), the size of David Cassidy's schlong (Hint: his brothers nicknamed him Donk, for donkey) and just what Shirley does at age 79 to keep the orgasms coming, this is the ideal beach read.
Jones describes her career trajectory, from a small town girl with a voice she calls a "gift from God" to the star of iconic films like "Oklahoma!" and "The Music Man," after which she became America's favorite wholesome working mom on the hit TV series "The Partridge Family."(Portraying a working mom was important to Jones. She turned down the "mom" role in the "Brady Bunch" because "I didn't want to be the mother taking the roast out of the oven and not doing much else.")
We learn, too, about her personal life, including her marriages to two very challenging (and both, as it turned out, bi-polar) husbands. Jack Cassidy, a seductive, bisexual, and ridiculously self-absorbed philanderer, and Marty Engels, a frenetic, attention-grabbing comic (famous, among other things, for suffering an on-air nervous breakdown on the "Tonight show"). After standing by Cassidy for decades, despite his immaturity, abysmal parenting skills and countless infidelities, Jones finally cut him loose. She claims to have found "true love" with the exuberant Engels, a puzzling choice, in that nobody else in her life, including her sons, appears to like him. (Check out her appearance with Engels on "The View," which is available on You Tube. You probably won't like him either.)
While still a teen in Smithton, Pennsylvania, Jones did fall for a wonderful guy. He was stable. smart, loving and loyal. They were engaged to be married. But small town life wasn't enough for Jones, so she broke it off. She wanted fun and adventure, and she found it. But the heavenly voice that was her ticket out of town was, perhaps, a mixed blessing. Jones muses that she might have been happier had she married her first love, stayed in Smithton and become a veterinarian instead of a movie star.
Jones is unusually frank about her sex life.
Describing losing her virginity to the man she still describes as "sex God Jack Cassidy," she explains, "he was inventive and extremely well endowed... He had no inhibitions about sex, no barriers, and he taught me to... be free about sex and to openly want it and love it."
Jones is refreshingly straightforward and explicit, telling the reader which stars made a pass at her, who she jumped into bed with and who she turned down, and who she most enjoyed kissing on-screen. There's also a fairly graphic description of the three-way her "Sex God" hubby manipulated her into taking part in.
She clearly had plenty of opportunity to partake in sexual adventure. A typical Hollywood evening out? She and Cassidy are relaxing after dinner with Anthony Newley and Joan Collins in their Hollywood home, when "(a)ll of a sudden, Tony Newley got up and announced, "Right, we've got some porno movies. Why don't we all get naked and watch together?"
Jones also shares a story Cassidy told her about seducing composer Cole Porter, which is so lewd and off-putting that I'm not going to repeat it here.
Jones comes across as a good-hearted person who has made some terrific career choices and some abysmal romantic ones, an upbeat woman who takes her own path, stands by her man, and makes the best of whatever situation she finds herself in. Looking back, she sees herself, with some satisfaction, as "a headstrong girl who flew in the face of advice and went against convention, with her eyes fixed firmly on the next adventure."
Jones closes out the book with some thoughts about masturbation, which, she asserts, is "...great for relaxation, great for the skin and a wonderful way of feeling and remaining young."
So exactly what does Shirley Jones do to keep the orgasms coming?
"I just use Vaseline and a finger," she writes. "And my fantasies. I get aroused by imagining a faceless, macho guy. And while I'm masturbating, I say his dialogue, and mine, out loud."
TMI? Maybe so.
But the vision of Marian the Librarian happily making whoopee with Macho Faceless Man certainly made my day.
(This essay first appeared on www.womensvoicesforchange.org.)
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
Loading Slideshow
Tom Cruise
While the 50-year-old has been nominated for <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000129%2Fawards">three Oscars</a>, he has yet to win Hollywood's most coveted statue.
Annette Bening
54-year-old Annette Bening has been nominated for four Oscars, although she has yet to take one home. <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000906%2Fawards">She was nominated for an Oscar</a> in 2011, 2005, 2000 and 1991.
Johnny Depp
49-year-old Johnny Depp has been nominated for Oscars for his roles in <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000136%2Fawards%22%26gt%3B"Finding Neverland," "Sweeney Todd," and "Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl."</a>
Mickey Rourke
Mickey Rourke was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar in 2009 for his role in "<a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000620%2Fawards">The Wrestler</a>," but Sean Penn took home the award.
Sigourney Weaver
<a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000244%2Fawards">63-year-old Sigourney Weaver was nominated</a> for Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress Oscars in 1989 and a Best Actress Oscar in 1987.
Harrison Ford
In 1986, Harrison Ford was nominated for his role in "<a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000148%2Fawards%22%26gt%3BWitness%26lt%3B%2Fa%26gt%3B%2C" but went home without a golden statue.
Liam Neeson
While Neeson was <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000553%2Fawards">nominated for an Oscar in 1994</a> for his role in "Schindler's List," he has yet to win.
Glenn Close
65-year-old Glenn Close has been nominated for <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000335%2Fawards">six Oscars</a>. She was nominated for Best Actress in 2012, 1989 and 1988. She was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in 1985, 1984 and 1983.
Bette Midler
67-year-old Bette Midler <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000541%2Fawards">was nominated for Oscars</a> for her roles in "For The Boys" in 1991, and "The Rose" in 1980.
Gary Oldman
54-year-old Gary Oldman was nominated for a 2011 Oscar for his role in <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000198%2Fawards%22%26gt%3B"Tinker Tailer Soldier Spy."</a>
Julianne Moore
52-year-old Julianne Moore has been <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000194%2Fawards">nominated for four Oscars</a>. In 2003, she was nominated for her roles in "Far From Heaven," and "The Hours;" in 2000 she was nominated for her role in "The End Of The Affair;" and in 1998 she was nominated for her role in "Boogie Nights."
Kathleen Turner
58-year-old Kathleen Turner was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar in 1987 for her role in <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=https%3A%2F%2Feditorial.huffingtonpost.com%2Fslides%2Fv2%2F%23slideshow%2F280810%2Fslide%2F2105665%22%26gt%3B"Peggy Sue Got Married." </a>
John Turturro
55-year-old <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0001806%2F">John Turturro</a> has never been nominated for an Oscar.
Kevin Bacon
This 54-year-old "<a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Ftitle%2Ftt0087277%2F%3Fref_%3Dfn_al_tt_2%22%26gt%3BFootloose%26lt%3B%2Fa%26gt%3B" heartthrob has never been nominated for an Oscar.
Harvey Keitel
<a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0000172%2Fawards">73-year-old Harvey Keitel</a> was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 1991 for his role in "Bugsy."
Laura Linney
49-year-old Laura Linney <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0001473%2Fawards">was nominated for Best Actress in 2001 and 2008</a>. She was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in 2004.
Steve Buscemi
This 55-year-old "<a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Ftitle%2Ftt0162346%2F%3Fref_%3Dfn_al_tt_1">Ghost World</a>" star has never been nominated for an Oscar.
Gena Rowlands
82-year-old <a href="http://redirect.viglink.com?key=11fe087258b6fc0532a5ccfc924805c0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imdb.com%2Fname%2Fnm0001687%2Fawards">Gena Rowlands</a> was nominated for Oscars in 1981 and 1975, but she has yet to win.
0 comments:
Post a Comment