A couple in France were cruelly deprived of their right to freely express their love for Nutella this week, when a judge ruled that despite their deep and abiding love for the hazelnut spread, they are nevertheless not allowed to name their child after it.
According to TIME, the court officially ruled against the parents and renamed the child “Ella,” explaining in its decision that “it is contrary to the child’s interest to be wearing a name like that can only lead to teasing or disparaging thoughts.”
We have certain questions about this — among them, what kind of monster would think disparaging thoughts about Nutella, which has never been anything but a universal source of joy in this cold, cruel world? Also, will a team of enforcers have to follow not-Nutella’s parents around at all times to make sure that the couple is in compliance? Because that seems like a situation rife for terrible misunderstandings.
POLICE:You’re under arrest! We heard you say it’s time to put Nutella to bed!
COUPLE: No, no, on bread! We said it’s time to put Nutella on bread!
Well, anyway. Despite the French government’s decision to disallow naming one’s child after the most delicious product ever to come out of a jar, you can’t fault the parents for feeling passionate enough about it to try. It’s just too bad they don’t live in America, the land of the free, the home of the brave, and the place where you can name your baby any crazy thing you like, because here, our love of Nutella is equalled only by our love of freedom.
via News
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