As yet another Super Bowl is upon us, it’s time to look back on games of yore and reflect on the awesome snacks we’ve shoveled in our mouths while making fond football memories. Few things are as bittersweet and nostalgic as remembering the junk foods from our the past that, due to the cruel fact that they have been discontinued, are but a sad and distant memory.
At least, they were, until now. We’ve recreated some of history’s most beloved and missed snacks so that you no longer must be bound to the rules of time and chip companies.
(Important disclaimer: These are our own recipes in the style of the originals — not the actual recipes used in those classics — but we think we got ‘em pretty close.)
Lays Maple Moose
Tess Barker
Tess Barker
4-5 potatoes
1/3 cup maple syrup
1/2 cup peanut oil
2-3 drops liquid smoke
1/2 teaspoon MSG (or salt)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with a piece of parchment paper. Thinly slice potatoes. This will be easiest with a mandolin, but a knife will work too. Just be careful, dude.
In a small bowl, whisk together the peanut oil, maple syrup, and liquid smoke. Dip each potato slice into the oil and syrup mixture, and lay flat on cookie sheet. Sprinkle with MSG. (How did you think these tasted so good?) Bake for 10-12 minutes, keeping a close eye on them starting at eight minutes. These can burn quickly, especially if they’re sliced thin. Let cool slightly before serving.
These definitely captured the taste of maple (and what we’re assuming moose meat tastes like?), but the syrup left the chips a little sticky.
Lays Dill Pickle
4-5 potatoes
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup peanut oil
2 tablespoons finely crushed dill
A splash of pickle juice
1/2 teaspoon salt or MSG
Again, preheat oven to 350 degrees, and follow the steps above for slicing and lining cookie sheets. Using a mortar, grind down dill until it is a fine powder. In a small bowl, whisk together ground dill, vinegar and oil. Dip potato slices as above, and sprinkle with MSG. Bake for 8-10 minutes.
Salt junkies can rejoice that their favorite beloved chip is out of retirement. These were amazingly tangy, and would have been perfect if they had just been a little crispier.
Black Pepper Jack Doritos
Tess Barker
6 small corn tortillas
1/2 cup peanut oil
1 small can fresh jalapeno pepper
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
4 tablespoons finely ground parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon chili powder
2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons paprika
1/2 teaspoon MSG
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Using a food processor, finely dice fresh and canned jalapenos together. In a small bowl, add jalapeno puree to oil, and set aside for 20 minutes. In a different bowl, use a fork to stir together parmesan, black pepper, chili powder, cayenne pepper, paprika and MSG. Cut tortillas into triangles. Dip each tortilla slice into the oil mixture, and then use a spoon to dust on spices. Be careful not to let spices get too gunky on tortilla. Set on parchment paper and bake for 15 minutes.
Replicating the marvel of science that is the Doritos tang is no easy feat, but these were such a solid throwback, taking a bite almost gave us fever dreams about being in high school again.
Fiery Habanero Doritos
Tess Barker
6 small corn tortillas
1/2 cup peanut oil
6-10 habenero peppers
3 tablespoons finely ground parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon chili powder
2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons paprika
1/2 teaspoon MSG
As with the Black Pepper Jack Doritos, the oven should be preheated to 350 degrees and your cookie sheet should be lined. Use a food processor to puree the habaneros. In a small bowl, mix habanero puree with peanut oil. Set aside for 20 minutes. Mix dry spices together in a bowl. Again, cut tortillas into triangles. Follow the same process of coating and dusting each chip and bake for 15 minutes.
True to their name, these were hot hot hot and tasted a lot like the real thing. They’re definitely not for the faint of heart, but as the saying goes, if you can’t stand the heat, go with Cool Ranch or something.
Cheetos Super Flamin’ Hot
Tess Barker
Tess Barker
1/2 stick butter, cut into cubes
3/4 cup all purpose flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1/4 cup potato flakes
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 teaspoon chili powder
2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons paprika
1 packet cheese powder from a box of mac ‘n’ cheese
1/2 teaspoon buttermilk powder
1/2 teaspoon MSG
1/2 teaspoon corn starch
In a stand mixer, beat butter on speed until it’s fluffy. Add in flour, cornmeal, potato flakes, shredded cheese, chili powder, cayenne pepper and paprika. Mix at speed four for about five minutes. Once the mixture has turned into a ball, use your hands to flatten it and wrap it in aluminum foil. Refrigerate for one hour. Line cookie sheet with parchment paper. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Remove dough from fridge, and use your fingers to roll small pieces of dough into Cheeto-sized logs, placing each log on the parchment paper. Bake for 10 minutes at 350, then turn temperature down to 250 and bake for an additional 15 minutes. Remove from oven.
While Cheetos are cooling, mix mac ‘n’ cheese powder, cayenne pepper, corn starch, MSG, paprika and chili powder in a large bowl. Once logs are done cooling, roll them in powder until they are coated.
While these are slightly less crunchy than real Super Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, that perfectly painfully hot and uniquely Cheetos-y flavor is still there. If you really want to roll old school with these, you can dip them in cream cheese.
Tabasco Fritos
Tess Barker
Tess Barker
1/2 cup cornmeal
1/3 cup Tabasco sauce
1/2 teaspoon MSG
2 teaspoons canola oil
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Measure out two pieces of parchment paper that are the same size as your cookie sheet. In a small sauce pan, boil Tabasco sauce. In a small bowl, use a fork to combine cornmeal and MSG. Add the boiling Tabasco and oil and stir until you have a mixture that is cohesive and slightly oily.
Place mixture on one sheet of parchment paper. Place the other sheet on top and use a rolling pin to roll out dough to about 1/3 of an inch thick. Place the parchment paper on the baking sheet and slowly peel off the top sheet. Use a knife or pizza cutter to cut the dough into rectangular strips the size of Fritos. Bake for 15 minutes, and let cool before breaking apart.
These were the simplest to make, and they were also the best and most accurate reproductions of their discontinued versions. They even give off that comforting neon orange glow that lets you know all is right in the world.
Tess Barker is a stand up comic and co-host of the Lady to Lady podcast.
via News
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