By Justin Clark
While video games are a wonderful way to relax and escape from the real world for a few hours, it’s important to remember that much of what you have learned doing this fine leisurely activity cannot be translated to the real world. Please be aware of the following, for quick reference:
Floor Meat is A-OK
The Reality: Any random food found on the ground, hiding in walls, or after striking a trash can will not give you energy for your day, unless flesh-eating rat virus suddenly counts as energy. Find a Wendy’s, for God’s sake.
Gunshot Recovery Takes About 20 Seconds
The Reality: The number of things that actually regenerate in our world pretty much comes down to lizards, “Doctor Who,” and Keith Richards. Everyone else, bleeding to death is a danger. Please seek proper medical attention. Or a vial of Keith Richard’s blood, if available.
Any Fall From Any Height Is Survivable. Just Aim For The Hay!
The Reality: Fun fact: You know what’s underneath a lot of haystacks? The ground. It will hurt. Act accordingly. Also, fun side note, would be assassins? People probably saw you fall in there. It’s not a stealthy move. At all.
Every Door In Every Town Is Open For Strangers
The Reality: Even if you are in one of those crazy safe towns where folks leave their doors unlocked, walking in there and trying to start a conversation with the owner before rooting around for money and food is still just cause for a homeowner to let Old Painless out of the bag.
Dead People And Animals Drop Money Upon Death
The Reality: Oh, dead people drop something upon death. It’s in their pants, and you cannot buy goods or services with it. Though if you live in New York, you’ve probably seen someone try.
Jacking A Car Is A Two Step Process
The Reality: It is if you have a key. Otherwise, probably more of a 7-8 step process. Not that we know anything about that.
Man Is The Ultimate Packhorse
The Reality: Fun experiment… Get a file cabinet, a satchel full of guns, and the entire first-aid aisle of a CVS, wrap it up in a giant tarp, tie it to your waist. Now try walking to work. Good luck.
All Your Enemies Will Have Blatant, Clearly Marked Weak Points
The Reality: They won’t. But more importantly, if a guy you’re about to throw down with has glowing red testicles, he has other problems… Besides the fact that you’re about to ruin his day.
Everything Is An Achievement!
The Reality: Most things are thankless, boring, aggravating, soul-crushing experiences of tedium that don’t result in points or trophies of any kind. Occasionally, though, they result in money and sandwiches. Adjust your expectations. And enjoy your sandwich.
via News
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